Talk:New Horizon! The Prologue/@comment-4080028-20160608045850/@comment-3507136-20160617092820
Righto! First off, damn! What a review! I find myself really happy at the amount of effort you put into this comment yet at the same time I feel a little disappointed at the reaction! But I will start off by explaining few things. I can gather that certain things may be hard to understand. I'm not 100% sure I explained it right here, but I digress. Let's start with problem uno, the in depth narration. I wanted to start with something fresh here, not the typical gol D. roger intro, because Nova has no interest in becoming pirate king. He would literally have spent his entire life, fighting to give everyone else freedom, training them and raising other people. The reason I specified that Nova didn't know what freedom was, is because he doesn't. He doesn't give himself free time, when he's not saving/freeing others from slavery or corruption, he's training the weak and broken, when he's not doing that, he's relaying information to others, when not that? He's training with all his might to protect and save more innocent and weak. The only 'free time' he actually has is the 6 hours a day he spends asleep. So it would be a bit hypocritical if the potential strongest fighting force in the revolutionaries didn't understand freedom you know? This narration at first won't make entire sense, but the closer to the end you get. The closer you'll realise what this is. Next problem! Perhaps I worded it poorly, because I was in fact writing this at around the times of 4 am and 6 am. But 'Little light' has not heard everything at all, not only that, but she like every other being is prone to misinterpretation no? Thing is, there are plenty of other female characters they could have been talking about in the revolutionaries that have affiliations with Nova. If you think to it on perhaps a slight deeper level, adapt to little lights personality of sorrow, pain and (at the time I assumed) lack of confidence in other peoples opinions and faith in her. You'd see that this is what I did, Phoenix Redfox is a former Revolutionary trio, is infamous for her painfully obvious crush on Nova and has spent more time with him than Little light and the Dawn Breakers combined. Now, Little light isn't an idiot, remember Nova was nice to her as much as he was to the other Dawn Breakers, gave her time, knowledge and support. But I don't think she'd go as far as to believe that he or anyone would have those kinds of feelings for her. And as such, I wrote it that she heard 'enough' (since the actual reason wasn't said between nova and sato.) without disclaiming what exactly she has interpreted it as, and her anger is amplified by the fact she thought he at least cared about her too, yet she was the only Dawn breaker he never looked for and said good bye too. But yeah... It was actually in hopes of building up to a massive misunderstanding between the two or something along these lines. Perhaps I went a little too deep into how things would play out. I do apologise and should you wish for me to revamp or change things I am more than happy to do so. Though I appreciate you reading this and thank you very much for the feedback, it helps me improve in the long run. In regards to my previous Prologue, whilst it had more of a good feeling, I don't feel like it was enough, this is a time in Nova's life that is hard. It isn't meant to be heart warming, more heart breaking. I suppose I'll never really be happy with a prologue. But ah well XD But the thing is, for readers who know Nova and the dawn breakers the previous prologue is fine, they know the characters and so on. But for people who don't it's more a bunch of random people saying goodbye to a guy they're just about to read about. So with this, I managed to put key characters in, and leave the others for potential cameos and stories later to come in New Horizon! Anywho! I've rambled a fair bit now haha. Once again, thanks for the feedback. I hope this has helped. If you're not satisfied still, let me know when we're on chat and we can discuss it there long windedly bahaha.